"comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love"

Unrequited love is theoretically quite uncorrupted. What can possibly shameful in the impulse towards affection. With no expectation of equality or fulfillment of duty, the emotion exists within itself, free of the fear and uncertainty which can taint the circumstanced form of worlding love. Crushes, unworldly, make you wake up in the morning and put clothes on and furthermore your face always looks nice, it's like being pregnant. Everything just sort of goes rosy in a way. Love is always in danger of getting corrupted. Especially when you involve other people, (other person), things have the potential to matter, which is scary. The death of a crush can go basically unnoticed. When crushes get boring they end - i.e. when their aesthetic appeal fades there is not much to stop any emotional element from quietly taking its bow. When love gets boring it is a disappointment.

In ending any emotion we betray past selves. I have begun to start thinking of my life all in one piece like a modern art canvas, all spread out to the sides, no identifiable subject except as I determine it in my allseeingness. I create my own meaning. Novel fodder. It is interesting to think of your life spatially instead of temporally. I.E. the way God sees the world. For example, in a temporal sense, I have spent most of my life engaging in inane crushes. Rather than thinking of all the time I've wasted, I choose to conflate all those crushes into a single entity. Rather than assigning each of those boys individual personalities, causes, effects etc., I choose to think of this crush-entity as a fact rather than a series of events.